Hulu; Brainstorm Media; 2014
Director: Jim Kunz
Script: John Paragon, Ted Biaselli, Cassandra Peterson
Cast: Cassandra Peterson (Elvira, Mistress of the Dark)
![]()
Hurrey for Hulu!!!! The online video streaming company managed to snag the Queen of Halloween for their October 2014 Hulluween fright feast... and what a great delight it was to see our favorite horror hostess showcasing a wonderful package of fun and cheesy flicks for our guilty enjoyment.
Mostly chosen from Full Moon Entertainment's feature film archive,
13 Nights of Elvira delivered one horror or sci-fi movie per night. Launching the whole freak festival was the cult-comedy classic
Amazon Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death (1989), starring scream queen Adrienne Barbeau (
Someone's Watching Me!;
Creepshow) and a very young Bill Maher from
Politically Incorrect (1993-2002) TV fame.
![]()
We're all familiar with Elvira's snickering remarks during her skits, and the traditional gimmick of showing snippets of characters from the film responding back to her, but this time we get so much more from the Mistress of the Dark as she tweets humorous commentary during the movie. Hulu viewers also get to see Elvira appearing in some of the scenes and becoming part of the action on the screen!
According to Cassandra Peterson (who portrays the horror icon), it took a considerable amount of time to acquire the films and the rights to bring us
13 Nights of Elvira. Impressive is the great job that was done, considering the limited time allowed to film Elvira's segments and edit each episode.
On board to help pull it off was script writer, and long-time friend, John Paragon (
The Pee-wee Herman Show;
Elvira's Haunted Hills), who has been teaming up with Peterson since 1981 when he was writing for her first television series
Movie Macabre on KHJ-TV and guest starred as her personal obscene phone caller, The Breather.
![]()
Additional written material for
13 Nights of Elvira was provided by Peterson, herself, and Ted Biaselli, who served as writer in 2007 for the reality TV program
The Search for the Next Elvira and in 2010-2011 for the cable TV show
Elvira's Movie Macabre.
After a parade of demonic toys, living heads and mutant fetuses, cannibal women, homicidal puppets, villains and creatures from other worlds, a killer cookie, and a deadly bong,
13 Nights of Elvira wraps up the festivities with flesh-eating zombies from the 1968 George A. Romero classic,
Night of the Living Dead!
The following episode guide includes individual synopsis from Hulu's website. Following the asterisk symbol (*) is a brief commentary by Sicko-Psychotic about the episode.
![]()
1.
Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death (1989) Holy Guacamole, this movie is the pits! Elvira is no stranger to "man-eating women", but she may have bit off more than she can chew in this indigestible entree, staring Adrienne Barbeau, Shannon Tweed, and a young Bill Maher. *Elvira introduces herself as,
"that value meal that's always super-sized," and points out the entertaining attributes of the film - BOOBS! Lots and lots of BOOBS! Also, Elvira jokes about Tweed, movie titles, and, of course, cannibalism. In a clever skit, Elvira skims over a take-out Men-U containing such entrées as: gluttan-free man-icotti, man-darin Chinese, creamy sea-men chowder, spaghetti and meatballs (
"Have them hold the balls"), hot dog on a bun (
"'Cept you never know who's wiener you're gonna get or who's buns"), etc. Moreover, our hottie hostess gives us a friendly warning,
"if you're gonna stuff yourself with sausage, make sure ya have a con-diment."10/19/2014
![]()
2.
Puppetmaster (1989) This cult classic gets the hook, when Elvira's pulling the strings. There's more Punch than Judy in this cinematrocity. *During the Intro, we catch Elvira fooling around with a look-alike marionette,
"Oh, hello, darlings. I was just... playing with myself until you got here." Later, Elvira has a dream within a dream within a dream of each puppet from the movie trying to attack her.
10/20/2014
![]()
3.
Demonic Toys (1992) No one likes playthings more than the Mistress of the Dark. But these toys are straight out of Hell's toybox. Playtime is over! *In this episode, Elvira takes a quick poll from the viewers about sex and reveals,
"I like my toys to make the bvvrrrr sound," and,
"I've played with Tickle-Me-Elmo more than I care to mention. Elmo, if you're out there watching, call me." By the program's end, Elvira admits,
"I slept through this entire movie twice and... I still don't get it."10/21/2014
![]()
4.
Hobgoblins (1988) Elvira's couch is infested with pesky little critters who are clearly Gremlin rejects. The only way she's gonna get rid of them is to endure this flick. *
"Are you happy to see me back," Elvira asks Hulu viewers.
"Yeah, I know you're happy to see my front. Well, I'm happy to see you little dickens... and, especially, you BIG dickens." Later, the Mistress of the Dark presents the "Elvi Award" to
Hobgoblins 2. Some of Elvira's best lines during her skits also include,
"I just love playing a crowd of people sitting alone at home in their underwear," and
"I am pumped up and ready to blow you... (cough) away!"10/22/2014![]()
5.
The Gingerdead Man (2005) Elvira's holiday gift to you is this awful lump of coal, straight off the naughty list. Gary Busey stars as the voice of this creepy cookie made from the ashes of a serial killer and a few drops of blood - a recipe for disaster. *Elvira sizzles during this episode as she instructs us how sweet it is to be "Cooking with Evil".
10/23/2014
![]()
6.
Dollman (1991) Elvira is playing with a guy who's got 13 inches!!! No, that's all he's got. He's 13 inches high! Tim Thomerson stars in this knee high nightmare. *In this sci-fi episode, Elvira reveals her secret(s) to staying young.
10/24/2014
![]()
7.
Trancers (1984) Elvira sets off for the far off future, and 1985, in this high tech chase for the minds of killers! *Because she is always being asked if her boobs are real, Elvira shares with us her usual response to such a question,
"Of course they're real. The only thing about me that's fake is... my sincerity. And I mean that, sincerely." She also warns us that thinking causes wrinkles. During her final skit, Elvira imagines winning an Academy Award - beating out Helen Hunt, who plays the female lead in this sci-fi movie.
10/25/2014
![]()
8.
Oblivion (1994) Fly the 'fiendish' skies with Elvira as your host on a devilish trip to Oblivion. It's Cowboys and Aliens, as a bizarre gang of futuristic desperadoes attempt to turn this tumbleweed town into their own private playground. *Elvira plays airline stewardess, prompting passengers with a lot of baggage to leave them at the gate,
"because I don't need no drama," and informing them that exits can be used as entrances,
"depending on what you're into." During this fun skit, enormous bras are used as airbags, passengers are instructed to use Elvira as a floating device, and the origin and meaning of the word 'Oblivion' is explained,
"I have no frickin' idea where I am or who the Hell I just woke up with!" By the end of the episode, Elvira gets liquored up and we discover that she is allergic to pixie dust.
10/26/2014
![]()
9.
Shrunken Heads (1994) Elvira is put through the ringer, and hung out to dry, after sitting through this movie. She should have quit while she was a head! *Another hot cooking tip from Elvira in a skit called "Cooking with Evil" has our nocturnal hostess dishing up a Haitian recipe from a voodoo master. Later, Elvira presents "Cooking with Kids" but can she decide on brat-wurst, children chow mein, small fries, children con carne, toddler tartare, etc.; or, such delicious deserts as praline pre-teen ice cream, chocolate covered children, boysenberry pie (made with real boys), etc.?
10/27/2014
![]()
10.
Hideous! (1997) Elvira always says, when you can't say something nice about a movie, come sit by her. And with this movie, she got plenty to say! *Elvira informs us that she had to go dumpster diving to find this flick.
10/28/2014
![]()
11.
Evil Bong (2006) Potheads Beware: you could enjoy this trip so much, you'll DIE! Join Elvira as she gets a Whiff of this "High Art" and gets high with a little help from her friend Tommy Chong. *Not sure what movie she's going to show next, Elvira digs through her box of "Evil" DVD titles that the Devil Emporium has sent her. During the program, Elvira keeps score of how many times actor Tommy Chong says "man" on the screen.
10/29/2014
![]()
12.
Seedpeople (1992) Elvira is often mistaken for someone else, but this time, even the creatures crawling out from inside don't want to be mistaken for her. *While tweeting on her E-Pad, Elvira informs us that she considers herself a social lubricant,
"I like my conversations like I like my clothes - short and easy to get out of." She also tells us that she is often scolded for exploiting her body. Her response?
"Opportunity only gives you knockers once." Before the night comes to an end, Elvira announces another winner(???) of the "Elvi Awards."
"The Elvi Award goes to the actor who's performance made me GAG with emotion and CHOKE on my own tears like I was being waterboarded." Being the concerned gal that she is, Elvira implores us to,
"participate in our Canned Laughter Drive for 'Kids with No Sense of Humor Syndrome.'"10/30/2014
![]()
13.
Night of the Living Dead (1968) Elvira resurrects the original zombie classic, and devours it with raw energy! Elvira loves George A. Romero's masterpiece so much, she's takin' it to the grave! *Greeting us in glorious black and white, Elvira introduces herself and comments,
"Hello, darling. Yes, it's me. That piece that everyone's dying to rest in - Elvira, Mistress of the Dark." At the end of the program, Elvira shows her support of movie sequels by singing a song about it.
10/31/2014
